Tag Archives: Louise Turpin

Please- Just the Facts

After a careful  perusing of everything I am able to access surrounding the evil house of horrors belonging to the Turpin family, I thought I’d let you all in on what I might have come to know about them.  After all, another one’s view of a thing often offers a helpful perspective, and please feel free to respond in kind as I haven’t yet made up my mind concerning these things.

First off- David and Louise Turpin are being accused of “human depravity.” According to God’s Word we are all charged with this at conception.  I guess maybe they just never managed to outgrow theirs.

Sometimes these deranged parents placed either apple or pumpkin pie on the counter and instructed the children not to eat it.  And then- God forbid- they ate it in front of the kids later! Of course, if you have thirteen of them and seven of them are a bunch of free-loading adults, it’s likely that would be the only way you’d ever get any pie!

One child evidently had a friend who was allowed in their house to play and remembers reading material concerning a possible Armageddon being strewn around the floor, but concerned citizens will be grateful to learn that so far no “girlie” magazines (or other such paraphernalia) have been found.

This family made regular excursions to Disneyland in the nice fifteen passenger van (parked in front of their home in each and every picture of the residence we have been shown), but these kids are so lacking in basic skills that one did not know what a police officer was! I would imagine the kid knew Sheriff Woody though- and he would have been glad to explain things to the little chap.

In light of everything, the Turpin’s seventeen year old was evidently the most disgruntled with her parents because she ran away from home.

The children were often seen wearing clean and neat matching clothing- of course the fashion may be considered a bit childish to some, but have you ever tried shopping for young ladies, today? If extreme modesty is a requirement, you may find it difficult to locate much ready-made. Sometimes the children were spotted in similar colors and blending styles of casual wear (as evident from photographs of the family when on a resort vacation). Possibly they found it difficult to keep up with all the branches of their family tree without a bit of coding.

Interestingly, David and Louise appear to have a tremendous fondness for the love songs of Elvis Presley.

David had a fairly decent job. He was an engineer for Northrop Grumman. Of course, no one knows how THEY managed to become so prominent. Obviously they hire stupid people. They seem to have lost a whole satellite that cost like a jillion dollars.

It may be true that from his salary of eleven thousand dollars a month, the couple had only managed to save 80,000 dollars. But then, I have half the children they do and I find it difficult to save fifty cents.

Sadly, the children are reported to have severe cognitive impairments and damage to their central nervous systems due to lack of nourishment. This has left me scratching my head as my children are obviously well-fed and a couple have occasionally been a bit on the pudgy side, and still they sometimes say or do something that manages to have me near convinced they have lost their minds.

The Turpin family appears to like having animals around, as well as children- and often times it’s a difficult thing to separate the two as many seem to come into the world with a genuine affinity for one another. And I speak from a place of authority as I was born under this very spell and so were more than fifty percent of my off-spring.

Some say the two dogs formerly residing in the Turpin home appeared to be beautifully cared for while the people were not so fortunate. This brings to mind that the kindest folks on our planet don’t always have the most common sense- they often value their pets more highly than they do themselves, and will do without to protect and provide for them.

Now, while we don’t particularly like Vienna sausages, as this family does,  I have come in from errands and found cans that once contained the things we do like, sitting around the kitchen when there stood a welcoming trash can not more than six feet away! This is one of those aforementioned things that has caused me to question the intellectual abilities of my own brood.

I was glad to know that neither David nor Louise had been convicted of any serious criminal activity before. Of course, that leaves me to wonder if that law-breaking they engaged in when they were just kidding would be anything to worry over…

It does appear that they did not enroll any additional students in their private home day school… Seems no one else was actively seeking their specific brand of education, in spite of the fact that one of the older boys was allowed to attend college classes off-campus, suggesting that he was able to get in! I’m willing to wager that some of you reading this now, know of a kid or two from one fine family or another that either didn’t have the smarts to get in to an institution of higher learning, or got in and then couldn’t make a go of it. However our capable authorities have agreed to spend more of our tax dollars in an effort to be sure they have the “no extras” fact straight.

Soon enough, I’m guessing we’ll all know the truth since authorities have confiscated hundreds of highly descriptive journals the children wrote themselves! My gracious! As awful as their parents were it seems these children are amazingly capable writers, and this reminds me that it’s difficult to be such unless you have first read a few good books. When they get free, I sure hope they’ll teach the rest of us how to cultivate such skills in children who, as a result of being severely deprived and possibly tortured for as many as twenty years, have damage to their brains.

And last but not least, having had plenty of experience with infants myself, I can’t imagine why, out of thirteen children, they would elect to keep only that howling baby well-fed.

Copyright 2018. L.L. Shelton.