Category Archives: Married Life

A Letter To My Daughters

Family Life, Holistic Health, Married Life, Parenting, Personal, Spiritual Health, , , , , ,

My Precious Daughters,

Understand that as a Follower of Jesus your life is not your own, rather it belongs to Him, to your First Love.  In the garden, Eve took her eyes off her First Love for an instant and was mesmerized by evil.  Darkness personified suggested that she could be not only her own head, needing the leadership of herself alone, but that she could manage the responsibilities of God! She fell for the ploy and the fall has been lengthy and beyond challenging.  May I suggest that you begin your journey in Christ by determining to forsake marriage and remain single for the love of Christ alone, or by determining to marry a man who loves Jesus Christ?

Waiting for a boy to grow into a man may be long and difficult.  Waiting for a man to learn the unselfishness of God will take a life time.  Waiting for a young man to become a Christian may be an altogether fruitless endeavor.  The simplest method for ensuring that you are less likely to be joined to an Unbeliever is to set a standard for your romantic life.  For example:  I will not date at all, or I will date only those young men who profess Christ.

I’m sure the decision to remain single in Jesus and for the sake of the gospel, has its own very great rewards, and there are those faithful to this decision and lifestyle who may be of aid to you, should you take this path.  However, I am familiar with the sacrement of marriage.  Marriage is the most beautiful illustration of sacrifice and joy because when done with pure intention; it imitates the sacrifice of God in Christ.  It is a picture of our relationship to Christ, highlighting the sacrifice He made, loving us while we were unlovable, and the blessing and joy He received and receives continually in an everlasting flow as a result.  Christ sits at God’s right hand enjoying Him forever!

Your children, should you receive the blessing of children, will be most greatly affected by your choices in the area of who you consider a contender for the prize of your heart.  They will benefit and suffer in large part due to the relationship you choose to form in marriage.  These effects will come about as a natural consequence of the design intended by the Creator.  You may attempt to use the system in a way that is inconsistent with its design but in return you will miss the consistent blessing of the  fruit of obedience.  Life is difficult in a fallen world, without the intended blessing it can be unbearable, not for you only but also for your children and grandchildren and their children.

Christian devotion and concern for family requires diligence and sacrifice beyond our merely human strength and regularly employs the Holy Spirit of God in Christ; as we ourselves are occasionally difficult to love, so our husbands and our children, and all within our sphere of influence will be.  And yet it is our mandate to love each one well.  And if you are able to love each one well, according to God’s definition of love;  not perfectly, but well, you will meet with God’s idea of success.

Still, the success you achieve within your own family will not necessarily follow in the world outside your family circle and the circle of the true church.  The organized church will be a place of like-minded Believers and fellows in the faith for the most part, but even here you will find some imposters.  There will be some within its walls who serve darkness.  The world will certainly not be without flaw.  And the world will challenge all, including those who have grown up under your leadership, and should you marry, under the leadership of your devoted husband as well.  Only each one’s personal relationship with Christ will keep him or her safe from evil.  We live within a system marred by sin and hatred for what is right and true.  Humans are broken and can only be fixed by God in Christ Jesus.

But in the midst of all, you can find rest knowing that keeping your own eyes on Jesus, you faithfully honored and served your God, and that you led by loving example and tender heart toward those you touched, and that while imperfect, you were an example of His servant leadership to those within your sphere of influence, ever hopeful that each one would receive Jesus Christ as his or her personal Lord and Savior.  It is the best that any woman can do.

I love you ever and always,

Mother

Sensational Sexuality Diet

Church Culture, Holistic Health, Humanity & Sin, Married Life, Mental-Physical-Spiritual Health, , , , , , , ,

Steps To A Truly Satisfying Sexuality

Stop! Proceed with caution. This list has the potential to alter your life and is intended for married and soon-to-be-married eyes only. Not intended for minor use. Parental supervision suggested. You are on the honor system. You must not continue reading unless you fully intend to read through the last word and to the end. Please thoughtfully consider the terms. If you agree to the terms of use, you may proceed.

Steps to your satisfaction:

  1.  Binge! Throw out that one year Bible reading plan and read ahead to the next chapter. Ask God to join you through His Holy Spirit as you feast on The Word! Enjoy every morsel, each small bite so full of flavor and nutrition, created especially for your dining pleasure. Reconnect with the exciting authentic history, thrilling true tales of prophets and kings, the beautiful poetry, and miraculous moments of discovery and deliverance. Relate anew to the genuine Gospel and the establishment of the Christian church. Eat and drink until you begin to feel hopeful and content with your God.
  2. Purge! Now clean out that ridiculous clutter you’ve been stumbling over for so long. Is there a secret stash of soft porn somewhere? Do you only need to touch a screen to access it? Is there a Victoria’s Secret across the street from where you work? Is that Frederick’s or Chippendale’s catalogue someone brought in laying around somewhere? Are there steamy romance novels- you know the kind- filled with men human husbands could never manage to be, men who are perfect beyond measure, infallible heroes to the end? Are there lewd books, magazines  filled with pictures and stories of strange women- you know the type- perfectly built women with fabulous faces who beg to serve and to participate in aberrant sexual practice and couldn’t care less for a wedding ring? Is there legitimate pornography available to you and used by you, once in a while or regularly? Trash it! Toss it with the understanding that God abhors it. Ask your abba (your daddy) to give you the grace, strength, and courage to resist it. Ask Him to give you a new perspective (a new heart) toward those who are involved in creating these images to incite lust. Pity them. Pray for them as if they were your own people caught in a horrible self-destructive lifestyle. They are, after all, your human brothers and sisters.
  3. Starve yourself! Allow your thoughts of sexual satisfaction to rest on your spouse and only on your spouse throughout your waking hours. Ask God to continue the vigil as you sleep. Ask God to remind you that honest fulfillment in any arena is only possible when you are more concerned with giving than with getting. Recognize when your thoughts threaten to turn selfishly lustful toward your spouse, to linger lustfully on another or to turn sexual toward another, and refuse to stay; immediately command your mind in the name and power of Christ to turn back toward your spouse and toward your God. At this moment, God will remind you of some Truth in His Word regarding Himself. He is attempting to replace the potentially unwholesome thought with thought of Himself. Cooperate! Acknowledge the thought, embrace it and repeat it, again and again until you feel cleansed.  The more you listen to God, the louder He gets!
  4. Start over! When you fail, do not give up. Seek and ask for forgiveness, from God and from your spouse.  Use your will power given to you by The Holy Spirit, and in His strength, begin again. Together, with your abba, put one foot in front of the other, and proceed through these steps.

This diet is guaranteed to radically alter your life! Your sexual urges are designed by God not only to ensure procreation, but to drive you away from yourself and toward your spouse to aid in the development of a particular level of intimacy with God, as well as with your spouse, unique to marriage.  By implementing this plan you will find your own sexuality transformed! If your spouse is committed as well, your joy in one another will be rich.  It will not happen overnight, as with any diet, this one must be participated in fully and committed to as a lifestyle to result in lasting success.

Finally, we make authentic love because we are under the influence of the genuine love of God, and are inspired  to the giving of ourselves and receiving of another in a beautiful way because of it.  Anything less is ordinary loveless sex.

Disclaimer: Some participants will need to focus on God as someone other than “daddy,” as their earthly daddy (or mama) wittingly lead them toward or directly contributed to their sexually retarded development. I urge those to remember that God is a perfect father and cares tenderly for his creation as a good mother cares for her young. Though you may have no immediate earthly example of a Godly parent available, you may find it helpful to imagine such a leader through literary ideal, including biblical, and film illustrations, and to know that God (according to His Word) joins you in your grief.

Copyright 2016. L.L. Shelton.

Plus-Sized Grace For Wives and Mothers

Bible Talk, Family Life, Living the Word, Married Life, Parenting, , , , , , , , , , , ,

A word for wives and mothers, especially young wives and mothers:

Have you fallen victim to those books and articles that insist that if you simply do this or that- your marriage, your children, your family will become this or that… Burn those. The Bible does not offer any such guarantee.

God through The Bible, His Word to us, gives you and me one mandate: Do your best to learn of me and of my son who stands ready to save you; learn to love me, and to show your love through obedience to me… And you will have my blessing. Everything else is a surprise. Get used to it.  And trust me.

Therefore, if we aren’t sure of what our own obedience looks like, we better dig deep into the Word and become sure; for while God offers no guarantees outside of our own salvation, He does insist that the best chance each of our loved ones has for a blessed and healthy life is to learn of such life and to begin to desire it because we model it for them. He also makes it painfully clear that each one we love may not come to know Him and that the ones who do come to know Him will be made to seek, find, trust, love, and obey on each one’s own private journey of faith. We will not be enabled to give anyone salvation. We will not be invited to directly participate in the inner journey. It is a very private lifetime encounter exclusively designed for the individual soul.

And while I remain convinced that no other work has the potential for greater positive impact on society than that of being a good wife and mother, personally I am truly grateful that by some miracle of grace, every time my job gets harder- I find the strength to pray harder and to work harder; and it is such a sweet surprise to realize that Our Father is working through me to bring about His best will in spite of my own sin, my own lack of this or that, my own lack of perfection. It is an additional gift from a generous Father, and it is available to all of his saved children. ❤️

Deuteronomy 6:1-9
Matthew 22 (22:36-40)

Copyright 2017. L.L. Shelton

Brief Thoughts on Marriage

Bible Talk, Church Culture, Family Life, Married Life, , , , , , ,

To begin:  There is only ONE good reason for getting married and for having children, and it is:  Because GOD wants you to do it.  And if it is HE wanting you to do it; it is because He wants you to be a part of what HE is building. He wants you to be a part of illustrating HIS story to a watching world. God desires for you to be a part of LOVE as defined by Him.

Don’t allow yourself to enter these arenas, the building of marriage and family, at the persuasion of any other than God in Christ, or without reading His Word and getting whatever grasp upon this that your maturity and His patience allow to you. These are not institutions for the faint of heart and will never withstand the difficulties that come along with them unless built upon a proper foundation. Marriage and family belong to Him. They are His design and He has said that they must be structured upon Him, upon the principles set forth in His Word, to be successful.  And the terms for success in marriage must be and are determined by its Creator.

Maybe you have entered into these things lightly and without a proper amount of forethought. It is not too late. You must pray for GOD to make your partner willing and as He does this, the two of you begin (together in Christ) to tear down the old relationship and to start anew on the correct foundation. Seek out an older married couple in whom you see Christ (in other words, you observe them living together according to the principles set forth in The Bible for the living out of their shared faith). Approach them and directly ask for their active guidance and participation in your lives. If resources allow, find a Biblical counselor to assist you in building this new platform for your marriage.

Another issue may be that your partner remains unwilling to consider Christ. In this case, you must continue in earnest prayer, gentleness, and good will toward your spouse until such time as God releases you from the relationship, and you are free to start again; and this must be done with the greatest caution for two primary reasons.  The first is that you must try with all your will to NOT push your partner away from either yourself or God in the hope that the other will leave soon. This happens often in such a case and is regularly realized only when an experienced helper points out to the Christian in the marriage that this is indeed what that one is doing. The second reason is that you are quite liable to abandon the frying pan in favor of the fire, unless you have spent an adequate amount of time in the judicious study of Holy Scripture concerning the Way of Life of a Christian in order that you may more easily recognize a fraud should there be opportunity for a next time around.

Paul reminds us in a letter to the early church that it is better not to marry at all than to enter the covenant casually.  It is a choice open to the Christian to remain single and serve GOD fully from that position, rather than serving Him from the position of marriage.  However, for God’s saved child, there is no choice as to serve or not to serve, and if your heart is completely without reservation His own; you will be compelled to serve despite your finest efforts to the contrary.  (The difficulties and delights specifically associated with the Christian’s choice to remain single are beyond the scope of this short essay.)

In the end, I don’t wish to leave the impression that there are no joys associated with marriage but only trials, as that would be wholly untrue.  There are multiple blessings to be had within the marriage relationship- true friendship, God’s allowance to fully know and to be fully known by another human being- to completely relate to another person, children within God’s favor and under the protection of a legitimate bond.  I count it a great privilege to enjoy many of the wonders of marriage.

Now,  in this day of much confusion concerning marriage and family, I implore you to search God’s Word for yourself to find that these very things that I tell you are true. And may The Lord God of All bless your every effort!

Signposts: How Churches Can Minister to the Divorced

Copyright 2016.  L.L. Shelton

Brief Thoughts Regarding Human Sexuality

Bible Talk, Living the Word, Married Life, , , ,

(An Addendum to, Brief Thoughts of Love)

My Young Friend,

Each of us is composed of both physicality- our body and the stuff therein, and of a soul or spirit- the eternal self; that was a thought in the mind of God before our physical existence and destined to continue long after our body has perished. We are each in possession of a mind- emotion and intellect (albeit there are varying degrees of functionality among them) and along life’s way we each develop a personality and a sexuality, both a reflection of a deeper development- that of character. Character is the essence of who you are; it is your nature. These things are inextricably intertwined until the day of physical death. Until then, one can not function apart from the other and each is connected to and affected by the other. This is a terrifically complicated and marvelous design.

God has created our sexuality specifically to allow for and to encourage the most intimate level of communication in relationship that two people and their Heavenly Father can together experience. He designed this aspect of the system to lend us the ability to procreate and to grant us the capability of relating in a way that is illustrative of that way in which The Trinity relates, and of the way in which God in Christ relates to His people. Also, it is to be a reward unique to the covenant marriage of a man and a woman in the Presence of God.  It may be startling to consider that God is a part of the expression of one’s sexuality, and yet it should be obvious. God is all-powerful, all-knowing, and everywhere at once. As Christians, we are promised that His Holy Spirit lives in us- all the time. Our God does not slumber or sleep, rather He carefully watches over us continually.

However, because we are living in the contaminated environments of the earth and of our own fleshly bodies, we are apt to the perversion of our sexualities. Though there are myriad natural consequences as a result of expressing one’s sexuality outside of the one relationship for which it was designed, and those consequences are always spiritually degrading, often emotionally detrimental, and many times physically debilitating; still we are highly likely to misuse this aspect of ourselves, and yet Christ insists that we are to strive for sexual purity.

Interestingly, Christ is apparently unconcerned with the technicalities of things surrounding human sexuality; things such as whether or not a person should date at this age or that, whether a kiss is sexual or not, or that a person refrain from intercourse until marriage. It is possible that I have, again, startled you. I mean to convey that Christ’s concern is for something infinitely greater- our sexual purity; and sexual purity has its roots in the imagination. It is in our imaginations that He desires to reign supreme. Pure sexuality begins in the thought life and can never be achieved apart from it.

Sexual purity is maintained through the constant effort to view God, ourselves, and others appropriately, as living beings valued beyond price, worthy of sacrificial love; as opposed to objects to be used and abused according to our whims or our erroneous desires.

In God’s economy, there is truly no need for such deliberations as whether or not to hold hands on the first date; as He has in Christ surely freed us from endless and  rigorous  contemplations of the nature of “angels on the head of a pin” rather, God has allowed for us to be (in Him) all that we can be!

In His Love,
An Old Friend

See Psalm 51, Matthew 19, Mark 7

Copyright, 2012. L.L. Shelton

Brief Thoughts of Love

Bible Talk, Family Life, Living the Word, Married Life, , , , , , ,

My Young Friend,

Love has been tragically misrepresented and misunderstood. Love both requires of you and insists that you require of yourself; it is both a proper noun and a verb. It requires of itself what is best for another and gives it without reservation. Love demands sacrifice and sacrifice usually stings a bit.  Often it is genuinely painful, at times even debilitating.  Any one who has truly loved has felt both the joy and the bite of it. The idea that love is all pleasant and ever delightful is a gross adulteration.

I hear a great deal these days about fear of commitment, about lack of commitment, and inability to commit. I listen to tales of lack of intimacy and emotional distance in family relationships and in marriage. I am often told of loneliness, and the death of community. I believe these things are symptoms of a lack of love, and I do not believe it is commitment we are so afraid of, rather it is sacrifice that we fear.

Most of us have felt the confusion resulting from a person’s declaration of love for us followed by an expression of our sexuality, only to realize rejection at a later date. Some of us have felt the terrible vexation that comes when a parent who has claimed love for us has then neglected or abused us (or our other parent or sibling) and maybe even abandoned us or left the home. Each of us has been puzzled at one point or another by the expression of love and insult from the same mouth. Each of us has brandished both affection and grief with one tongue.

People are imperfect. We are incapable of either loving or hating perfectly. This is why we are taught to strive always to become perfect in love and to avoid hate altogether. We’re instructed to leave the hating to God. We are taught to learn of repentance and forgiveness and to become experts at both, and there is a Way.

Another method by which love has been horribly distorted is by the idea that love and sexuality can be one in the same. The two are never one. Human sexuality is and has always been one way in a million of expressing love. Obviously, it is often used in a perverse manner to express things that do not resemble love in the slightest.

For many reasons, one being to set the relationship above and apart from all others, and some that are mysterious and still known only to God Himself, we are told that His system is designed to function optimally for us (for all of us individually and as a corporate whole) when each of us limit the expression of our sexuality to one relationship with one person of the opposite sex (gender) for the entirity of our lives. Yet, we are encouraged by God to express our LOVE for everyone all the time!

My third and final offering concerning the misrepresentation of love is this: God is love, but love is not God.  According to His Word, God is many things and love is ever a part of Him; His perfect Love motivating him continually.  Love is only itself.  Love is one of the many attributes of God and is nonetheless the epitome of holiness and the greatest thing.  Love is perfect. God Himself is love, but love is not God. Therefore, we in our love are not God.  God is bigger.

Lastly, in love I offer this truth from God’s Word.   It is an expression of my love for you. May it allow you some clarity and grant you a bit of peace on earth.

An Old Friend

(Please see 1 John 3:16, John 13,  1 Corinthians 13: 1-13)

Copyright 2016, L.L. Shelton

How Bad Do Ya’ Want It?

Church Culture, Education, Family Life, Living the Word, Married Life, , , , ,

As a Biblical counselor, I hear these and other words of the same meaning quite often:  The church is suffering from lack of community.  Our marriage is in trouble due to lack of intimacy.  My response: How bad do ya’ want it?

Community and intimacy are alike in that they are the result of a cyclical pass through vulnerability. Most of us prefer anywhere to there. Community and intimacy are the continual culmination of transparency, and accountability. These things require the practice of genuine love and authentic faith. These things mandate that our love be abundantly evident that we may expose ourselves without fear, and that we will welcome critical examination in our effort to be the best we can be for the other- and doing anything without fear requires faith.

What is faith? It is the evidence of things hoped for and the belief in things not yet realized.  Do we have it? Faith in God? Faith in ourselves, with God? Faith in one another? Do we believe that all things are possible with God? Do we believe that we can do all things through Christ who gives us strength? Do we believe that we can trust God to make out of each of us, fallen as we are, something beautiful? Something resembling Himself? Can we patiently suffer one another- forgiving, seeking forgiveness, receiving grace, offering grace, guiding, allowing ourselves to be guided, being consistent as well as realistic in our expectations of one another as we wait for Him to do this in His time and in His way, both individually and in a corporate sense?

May I submit to you that this is what must be if we desire community with others, if we yearn for intimacy with another? It will not be easy. It will be difficult to achieve and to maintain- and it will be the place where our joy may be made complete.  Therefore, absolutely without a doubt, worth it.

How bad do ya’ want it?

Copyright, 2015, L. L. Shelton