Category Archives: Mental Health

A Reckoning

Health & Dis-ease, Holistic Health, Mental Health, Physical Health, Poetry, Spiritual Health, , ,

Precariously perched,

Bright new wings unfurled,

Her wretched screaming slowed,

Still at her past Is hurled;

And round the fragile stem of life

Her feeble feet are curled,

“I cannot save you from yourself,

   I recognize the plea;

  For many years I heard the cry

  Yet I could not save me.

  Now here I stand with heart in hand,

  The child is finally free.”

Light blinds her temporarily,

She’s startled by the noise;

Walking slowly to the edge

Though in her pain is poised,

To take to flight across the sky,

Embracing future joys.

Copyright  2020.     L.L.  Shelton.

The Making of A Murderer

Crime, Education, Humanity & Sin, Mental Health, Mental-Physical-Spiritual Health, Pop Culture, Spiritual Distress, Spiritual Health, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Dennis Rader, a.k.a., BTK, was interviewed and profiled by FBI agent and original Mindhunter, John Douglas. Douglas later wrote a book, Inside the Mind of BTK: The True Story Behind the Thirty-Year Hunt for the Notorious Wichita Serial Killer, about him and the encounter. Psychologist, Dr. Katherine Ramsland, has recently written a fascinating account of Dennis Rader’s life in her book, Confession of A Serial Killer, based on several years of communication with him following his incarceration. After reading their thoughts, and those of Rader included in their writings, watching videos of Dennis Rader, including his confession, as well as reading his daughter, Kerri Rader Rawson’s hard-won bittersweet testimony, in her book, A Serial Killer’s Daughter- I believe the initial step toward evil for Dennis Rader, who would eventually devolve into BTK, a serial killer responsible for brutally murdering ten people, including men, women, and children in Wichita, Kansas over a thirty year period, was his assumption that he and other human beings are good. By Dennis Rader’s own admission, he thinks he is a “good person who did some bad things,” [1]. According to the Holy Scriptures, upon which we build our Christian Faith, this is completely untrue. We are totally depraved (intent on evil) from conception [2].

The doctrine of total depravity is obvious to any parent who has closely observed his or her youngest children. Children nearly never need be instructed to pinch, hit, bite, lie, or steal; however the “good” behavior, that behavior respecting the needs and desires of others to be treated fairly, must be diligently taught. Christ teaches us that unrighteous anger, murderous thought (hatred of another) is like murder in regard to God’s judgement of sin. A lustful thought is equated with actual adultery. [3]. The Psalmist along with The Apostle Paul, infused with The Holy Spirit of God in Christ, teaches that apart from Christ we have no good thing- least of all a truly good character [4]. As Saint Augustine confessed, “I have seen and known even a baby envious; it could not speak, yet it turned pale and looked bitterly on its foster brother: Who does not know this?,” [5].

Subsequently, building on this weak foundation, Dennis Rader began a fantasy life as a young boy of ten and ignoring his conscience, continually nurturing instead his own nature to sin; he easily incorporated trauma related to his primary experience of self-gratification, low self-esteem connected to probable learning disabilities and a poorer standard of living than many, as well as being socially awkward, and angry, into his developing sexuality [6]. Dennis began the construction of an elaborate inner world of his own in which he was all-powerful and participated in the degradation of himself and others, and along with that he regularly enjoyed the pleasure of self-gratification through masturbation [7]. He continued building this alternate reality, of which he is the star and is accountable to no one, throughout his adolescence and continuing into his adult life [8]. According to Dr. Katherine Ramsfield’s documentation, he continues adding to it as he resides in a maximum security prison in Kansas serving ten consecutive life sentences. Let us remember Saint Augustine, who wrote in his confessions, “…yet I knew not that evil was but a privation of good, until at last a thing ceases altogether to be,” [9].

I would argue that Dennis Rader must be considered to be retarded in a social, emotional, and sexual sense. While he may be of normal intellectual capacity, of a certain chronological age, and was able to function as a grown-up in a few specific areas for many years, I believe his entertainment of evil ideas, as well as obsessive preoccupation with himself and his immature sexuality; confused his development and locked him into early adolescence socially, emotionally, and sexually. Therefore, he failed to secure a healthy sense of self and of his own masculinity, and consequently felt a constant source of frustration [10]. Jesus taught that our thought-life, our imagination, must be given over to Him and to His control- for “as a man thinks, so is he,” [11]. We learn that we are what we think. We understand that we must learn to think the way Jesus thinks, according to His Word. This is a second doctrine that one must clearly understand and subscribe to, to cooperate fully in his or her sanctification- the working out of his or her faith [12].

Thirdly, Dennis Radar did not seem to possess the sound doctrine that sex was created to be practiced within the bounds of a marriage between one man and one woman, both rightly related to God. Sex was not intended for practice outside of the confines of this right relationship between two people and their God [13]. Fornication, adultery, same-sex relationships, and self-gratification are perversions of this doctrine.  The sexual gratification of self is something a person does either using himself (or herself) alone, or when using another person to indulge absolutely selfish desires with purely selfish motive and is unlawful, sinful [14]. As Thomas a Kempis so aptly expressed, in his, Imitation of Christ, “But he who puts aside the fear of God can not long continue in good, but shall quickly fall into the snares of the devil,” [15].

Next, Rader seems to believe that consistently and continually lying- having the character of a liar- is not unacceptable when it has been constructed as protection of his private inner world and is attempting to keep his two lives from intersecting. He appears to consider himself justified in his lies, particularly as it concerns shielding his family from knowledge of his double life, and at times simply can’t discern his lies from the truth [16]. A basic tenant of the Christian faith is honesty- honesty, to the best of one’s ability to discern, regarding who one is at the core of one’s being, integrity in the presence of self, God, and others [17]. Thomas a Kempis prayed, “Lord, it is true as you say; he who walks before me in truth shall be safe from evil assaults, and the truth shall deliver him from the wiles and slanders of the wicked. If the truth shall make one free, one shall be free indeed, and shall not care for the vain words of men, let it be so with me; let your truth teach me; let it keep me and preserve me safe unto the end. Let it free me from all evil and inordinate affection, and I will walk before you in great freedom of heart,” [18].

Fifth, and certainly not least, though Dennis Rader professes to love his wife, daughter, son, and immediate family, he fails to comprehend the Biblical doctrine of Christian love [19]. This doctrine teaches us that love is not self-centered, but first of all God-centered in Christ. It teaches that each and every human being is our neighbor and is therefore worthy of our unselfish love, and we are commanded to give this love- and we can not accomplish our task without loving ourselves appropriately, as God Himself loves us. [19]. Dennis Rader was initially and continually abusive of his very self [20].

In conclusion, Dennis Rader, who devolved into BTK, a serial killer responsible for brutally killing ten people, including men, women, and children in Wichita, Kansas over a period of thirty years, despite being an active church member in a local Lutheran church, though vice-president of that church when carrying out at least one of the slayings, was not committed to sound doctrine [21]. Was it a failure to believe or an outright blatant rejection of what he knew to be true? Or was he never trained in the Truth? How did he acquire membership status with all its privileges, becoming vice-president of an organized church body professing Christianity, without convincing someone in leadership that he comprehended and applied sound doctrine in his personal life? Did he lie to leadership? Did he unwittingly profess to believe things that he did not really internalize or understand? Was this local church body and its leadership committed to sound doctrine?

I learned that Dennis Rader’s pastor of many years visited him in prison, though no one may speak with BTK personally, but only by means of closed circuit video. His pastor suggested to BTK that he may have been and even be demon-possessed [22]. While this is possible, it is certainly not probable as such instances are extremely rare, and require due to thorough understanding of Scriptural demon-possesion, that the event contain specific elements. Also, we must remember that, according to The Holy Scripture, all who are lost (not yet saved), separate from The Holy Spirit of God and Its resurrecting power; are not possessed by God as Children of His salvation, and are therefore subject to all forms of evil, including but not limited to, literal demonic possession [23].

Finally, whatever the biological and genetic make-up of Dennis Rader, whatever the environmental stimulus of his experience, his walk down the road to perdition and his ultimate demise, was possible due to a lack of sound doctrine. Either he was taught Truth, rejected it and did not become a Believer, or he was never taught, never challenged- and did not become a Believer, and in either case it is a shame as his involvement in the local church was extensive and consistent. Someone in the body of Christ should have been aware of his lost condition, for the sake of those closest to him, including his family members and his other victims, as well as for his sake- though he did a remarkable job of behaving as a wolf while dressed in sheep’s clothing. [24].

Alas, I pray and hope many will pray with me, Lord, deliver us first from the bent toward evil within us, keep us then from the outer forces of darkness, from Satan and his minions as well as all that they stand for, and from all that is anti-Christ, in the strong name of Jesus and by the power of the Holy Spirit of God, I pray, Amen.

1. Confessions of A Serial Killer, Katherine Ramsland, PhD, p. 158
2. The Holy Bible, Psalm 51:5, Jeremiah 17:9, Mark 7:21-23, 10:18, Galations 4:8-9, Ephesians 2:3, 2 Peter 2:19, Romans 5:12-19, 7:18,
I John 1:8-10
3. Ibid., Matthew 5:21-22, 5:27-28
4. Ibid., Psalm 16:2, Romans 3:11
5. The Confessions of Saint Augustine, The First Book, My Sinfulness From Infancy
6. Confessions of A Serial Killer, Katherine Ramsland, PhD, Chapter 2, First Inklings of Trouble, and Chapter 3, Dark Explorations
7. Ibid., chapters 2&3
8. Ibid., chapters 2&3
9. Confessions of Saint Augustine, The Third Book, The Source of Evil
10. Confessions of A Serial Killer, Katherine Ramsland, PhD, Chapter 2, First Inklings of Trouble, and Chapter 3, Dark Explorations
11. The Holy Bible, Proverbs 23:7, Matthew 15:16-19, Mark 7:14-15
12. Ibid., Philippians 2:12
13. Ibid., Genesis, chapter 2
14. Ibid., Romans, chapter 1
15. Imitation of Christ, Thomas a Kempis
16. Confessions of A Serial Killer, Katherine Ramsfield, Phd, p. 139
17. The Holy Bible, Proverbs 12:22, John 3:19-21, John 4:24, Colossians 3:9, Revelation 21:8
18. The Imitation of Christ, Thomas a Kempis, Book 3, chapter 4
19. The Holy Bible, Deuteronomy 6:5, Matthew 22:37-40
20. Confessions of A Serial Killer, Katherine Ramsfield, Phd, p. 56, p. 164
21. Ibid., pp. 144-149, p.193
22. Ibid., p.219
23. The Holy Bible,
24. Confessions of A Serial Killer, Katherine Ramsfield, Phd, p. 93

Copyright 2019. L.L. Shelton.

To Tell The Truth

Bible Talk, Health & Dis-ease, Holistic Distress, Holistic Health, Humanity & Sin, Living the Word, Mental Health, Mental-Physical-Spiritual Health

Suspect yourself or someone else of dishonesty if there is a need to retell something again and again and again- in other words there is a genuine yet strange emphasis on the event.  I refer not to the continual resurfacing of the happening and referencing of it, but to the continual need to repeat the story itself,  usually to the same people as often as to someone who may have never heard it.

Of course, there are those who may repeat a scenario over and over and over in their own heads, but are able, by way of temperament or different affectation, to restrain from a consistent public retelling or reworking of the event.  In this case one still should suspect and examine himself or herself for dishonesty, and if necessary seek assistance.  Interestingly, it appears that those given to public display of their stories are often perseverating both publicly and in private.

Traumatic memory is often caught in a feedback loop.  The need to continually, even obsessively, remember the event is rooted in the fact that it was never fully processed, and certainly not in a healthy manner.  The happening remains unresolved in the person’s psyche.  The dishonesty arises as, in the attempt to process the authentic structure of a circumstance, particularly a disconcerting event, the memory is altered to make it into something easier to bear.  This may be intentional but sometimes takes place at the level of the subconscious.  Therefore the author of the memory is not always aware of the restructuring and certainly is not fully aware of why and how the memory was changed.

I believe that the supposed need for the dishonesty occurs at the level of a person”s heart motive.  I work with my clients as a person of faith and understanding, attempting to draw those motives out into the Light (Proverbs 20:5).  For instance, a victim of trauma may have been harmed by someone closely related to her and will attempt to alter the memory to “see” someone else as the perpetrator, or he may “reason” that he was behaving in an inappropriate manner inviting the perpetrator to commit a crime against  him.  Perhaps the victim is one of secondary trauma, having observed a violent happening and failed to intervene.  Occasionally, I encounter someone who has dismissed a large portion or portions of his or her life due to some type of chronic traumatic situation.  These changes soften the impact of the memory for the one who has been victimized,  allowing the victim to maintain some ability to function in the face of tragedy.

On the other hand, a perpetrator of violence, and it should be noted that the perpetrator has sometimes first been a victim, may attempt to rewrite a memory because he or she cannot bear to think the self is capable of the horrendous act. This can arise due to the conscience being severely wounded but not quite dead, or due to the presence of a personality disorder which suggests to the person that they may not be, and indeed in the person’s mind are not, less than perfect.  However, the desired result is the same- a lessening of the severity of both the internal and the external impact of the behavior.  From either the victim’s or the perpetrator’s position there is a convoluted reward for the dishonesty.  The problem arises due to the twisted nature of the prize.  (To avoid confusion, it should be noted here that genuine lack of empathy, as in the case of true character disturbance, has no need to reconstruct memory for the other’s sake. )

My clients are often surprised to find the genuine culprit of the nearly incomprehensible past that has lead to a painful present and a bleakly viewed future, is the person himself or herself.  However, once the revelation has occurred, the path to healing, while requiring a cautious engagement due to the fact that a person’s mental composition can be fragile, is generally swift.

Nevertheless, there are some who have engaged in habits of dishonesty for so long and even willfully, they are unlikely to heal this side of heaven, and some will not reach heaven.  They are those who refuse to acknowledge the possibility and certainly will not acquiesce to the probability that the author of the confusion is the self.  These persons are regularly sent for professional psychological or psychiatric evaluation and are often eventually diagnosed with a personality disorder, or as character disturbed.   At times,  they are found to be psychopathic.

Genuine honesty is a rare strength.  One of noble character, who can find? (Proverbs 31:10)  The heart is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked, who can know it? (Jeremiah 17:9-10)     Truth is sometimes as difficult to locate as is the perfect gem, but it is without fail, worth a great deal more.  Ultimately, it is the truth that liberates  us (John 8:32-38).  “Heal me, LORD, and I will be healed, save me and I will be saved, for you are the one I praise,”  Jeremiah 17:14.

Copyright 2018. L.L. Shelton.

You Can’t Have Everything

Education, Family Life, Mental Distress, Mental Health, Mental-Physical-Spiritual Health

It is evident that my paternal grandfather-in-law, Orange Arthur Shelton, whom I never had the privilege of knowing personally, was right concerning at least one matter:  “You can’t have everything.”   While this may seem obvious on the surface, it appears to be quite difficult to comprehend.

I am in practice as a Life coach and Biblical counselor and have heard astounding things in my office.   For instance, I have heard a man complain that his wife is not sexy enough to suit him, after he has willingly given her several children and can not afford for her to have the occasional new dress or to take her out to dinner.  I have listened to a wife who has no need to work outside the home, complain that her hard-working husband is not home enough, that he doesn’t relate well to their child or spend enough time with him, and in the same breath admit that she could never let go of her brand new car or manage without her weekly manicure.  I have been told by another that he can not tolerate his wife’s career success but would not stand for his wife not helping to pay the bills.  One man said that his wife should be home with the children while insisting that she hold a regular job.   A woman complained to me that she wanted to be healthy while stuffing down a third candy bar for lunch and reminding me of her reasons for not getting any physical exercise.   I’ve listened to addicts describe their great desire to abandon their drug of choice and in the next breath state clearly the reason they have no intention of letting it go.  I’ve paid close attention as liars have told me they are aware of the problematic issues resulting from their chronic dishonesty and strongly want to change, and heard them lie to me with their next sentence.

As it turns out, life is all about choices. Granted, some are more easily recognized than others, for example:  If I want to be a concert pianist, the  manicures mentioned previously will not be an issue as my nails must remain clipped short; therefore I can be a concert pianist with nails clipped short or I can forgo such endeavor and keep my nails long. Other alternatives are not as readily apparent.  We must live a little longer, dig a little deeper to unearth the truth.  As with this profundity:  One may not be a person of conviction and at the same time enjoy a conflict-free existence.  There is this to ponder:  We can not feel love without feeling loss.  If we feel one we are guaranteed to feel the other at some point- if not on multiple occasions.  In other words, we may live a life without love or choose love and accept the loss that accompanies it.

Straight up to his death, my father-in-law maintained the opinion that one can not expect to have both sanity and many children.  I decline comment.  The point is that one thing nearly always edges out another.  We would do well to remember the truth in these wise words:  You can’t have everything.

Copyright 2018.    L.L. Shelton.