Category Archives: Family Life

Life, Loss, And Human Connection

Education, Essay and Prose, Family Life, Holistic Health, Humanity, , , , , ,


We all experience loss in varying degrees throughout our lives.  Sometimes we lose a person.  Sometimes it is someone of remarkable significance to our lives.  Sometimes we lose our idea of a person.  Sometimes we lose someone while they are still living.  Sometimes we lose a person before they have a chance to be born.  Sometimes death suddenly snatches someone from our grasp.

Sometimes we lose something.  Something truly meaningful to us- a job, a relationship, a marriage, a family, a home.  We may lose our faith in ourselves or our confidence in others.  We may lose our affection for someone.  Someone may lose fondness for us.  Sometimes we lose our possessions, our good health, an opportunity, or a skill.  Sometimes we grieve the loss of another’s good opinion, a phase of life, or a particular situation.  We may lose our dignity to abuse.  Sometimes, in the wake of trauma, a piece of our history is lost to us.  In reaction to grief, we may lose a part of ourselves.

No matter.  Loss is loss.  And in some form, each and every loss affects us.  Our losses affect us at differing levels, on any given day, for as long as we live.  This is true whether or not we can identify the trouble or admit to it.

Sometimes the pain surrounding our loss is evident to all.  It’s conspicuous and loud- maybe even obnoxious.  Sometimes our grief is quiet and obvious to few.  Sometimes we suffer in silence.  Other times we let it all hang out.  But we all suffer.  No one makes this journey without experiencing loss- without grief, nor without the change that loss entails.

We are in this life together- inextricably intertwined- if only in our minds, our memories.  Our journey’s are our own; and yet we pass one another, we bump into one another, converge at various points along the road.  We’re often gathered at intersections or stopped together in traffic.  Sometimes we are involved in the parade and other times we’re held up by it.  Sometimes we are forced to view an accident.  Sometimes we find ourselves in the middle of the wreck.  We may realize we instigated a pile-up.  We can accept the truth of our relatedness or not.  We can like it or not, we can cooperate with healing or not, but nothing can alter the fact of our wondrous interconnectedness.

The best that we can do is to be patient with one another and ourselves, and to be kind.  We can be committed to honesty, to listening, and to being present.  We can own our mistakes- time and again if necessary.  We can seek forgiveness and we can be forgiving.  We can offer grace- allowing new opportunities for growth.  In Christ, we can practice genuine humility and real compassion.  In Him, we can love in the truest sense.

Copyright 2024.   L.L. Shelton.

That Thanksgiving

Family Life, Tall Tales, , , , , , ,

This is my favorite part of the day- just at the new moment of it.  It’s the perfect time to get square with Our Maker and paint a brand new picture of ourself doing the right thing.

On this particular dawn, I’ve sat down with a cup of hot spiced tea and taken to imagining my son’s face when I unveil the turkey I put together just for him.  I’m planning to invite him to share it with the rest of us, but I put two birds in the oven this year just in case.

You see, some life back, along about the time he had his first crush on a pretty little girl named Gen, and we were still enjoying close community with our neighbors and moving through our days at the pace of typical suburban life, a few things had me feeling rather despondent.  (Honestly, God gives a mother everything she needs to get through a day, but sometimes she isn’t seeing as well as she should.)

When Thanksgiving rolled around that year, my favorite son had a brilliant idea (well he was my favorite every time we were alone together, as is every child).  Jack had always had a keen sense of taste and smell, as well as a bright mind for snuggling up and imagining exotic family vacations we’d take, if we ever found ourselves in possession of a fancy bottle we might rub and get our wish.

Lately, he had been daydreaming about fixing up a cologne, special for a person’s favorite girl.  It would smell just like bacon frying on the camp stove when you first open your eyes and take a swipe at them;   when you roll over on your cot and you peek out through the tent screen, and there’s nothing to see but God’s creation of the morning rising up over polished water you know you’re going to be cutting a wake through later, and you get a soul-satisfying whiff.

I could tell my other three sons, my son-in love, and my future son-in-love, had seen their estimation of this youngest boy on the brink of joining their ranks, grow by leaps and bounds as he told of this unique blend of scent that every man could cover his favorite pretty girl in whenever he took a notion to spend much time with her.  A man could just splash it around her neck real good, and everything he ever longed for would be cuddled up next to him.  To tell you the truth, my ears hadn’t pricked to such strange wisdom since my eldest son had announced  his plan to marry his four-year-old crush and carry her off to Mississippi, where they’d live happily ever after in a little two room cabin with a dirt floor. (Such mental trickery wasn’t really all that surprising since we’d been on a regular fare of “Little House in The Big Woods” in the evenings.)

Anyway, that  year as we prepared to express our tremendous gratitude for this great nation in which we are encouraged to worship GOD and love each other the way we see fit, Jack wove a spell-binding tale of a potential centerpiece for the Thanksgiving table that would enter the waking fantasies of every man to live into the double digits, till kingdom come!   The giant poultry that we’ve been told Benjamin Franklin nominated to represent this great nation, would be carefully chosen, then stuffed full of every kind of tasty, expertly seasoned, and for the finale;  deliberately special-wrapped in, you guessed it- the best any pig has to give- beautifully marbled, perfectly cured, thick-cut bacon.  You should have seen their manly eyes light up when he described it to the remainder of the pack.

Of course, I’ve never been one to shudder at a novel idea.  In fact, I kind of like to take a calculated risk once in a while.  I find it keeps life perky.  So, with measured enthusiasm I proceeded with Jack’s magnificent plan.  I shopped with care for the lucky winner- she had to be pleasingly plump but not obese, with pretty curves in the appropriate places.  I hit the Jack-pot at our local Kroger.

On the big day, I rose early before the initial pink began to make a swath through the sky.  I cleared the counter and washed it down.  That turkey weighed twice legendary babies who are told of for decades by the doctors who delivered them and the mamas who near-died getting them here; but I wrestled with it until I had it as securely wrapped as those respectable specimens were upon leaving the delivery room.  I sprinkled and sprayed and tossed and prayed over it, before placing it in the oven to slow-roast until it became the most perfect example of a juicy gobbler we’d ever put in our mouths.

Later, following the ceremonial placement of the fantastic bird on the center of our extra large, well-loved, beautifully laid gathering table; and the half-hour devouring of weeks of labor- The Turkey was pronounced the finest fowl ever to have been seen or heard from this side of Paradise.  In fact, one man jumped to his feet after only one bite and swore he wished his mother had named him Jack! And now, Loved Ones, you know how that Thanksgiving became the only one to beat.

P.S.  I do love you, Jaxon Edward McGarrh Shelton, and in some of my most special memories, you truly are my favorite.

Copyright 2023.    L.L.  Shelton.

On Generational Trauma and Parenting With Grace

Bible Talk, Church Culture, Essay and Prose, Family Life, , , , , , ,

As healthy parents, we long to intervene in the suffering of our children.  We want them to be well and comfortable.  In infancy, this is good and ensures that their basic needs for food, shelter, and love will be met; however we should begin to allow some autonomy as our children try and assert themselves.  When they begin to walk, we must allow the occasional fall.  On the other hand, we must not be so over-bearing as to engineer circumstances to bring about their suffering, and at any rate it is hardly necessary as every created thing is groaning in pain under the weight of The Fall.

It is our task to provide them with the whole truth while shielding them from evil to the best of our abilities.  It is not our work to prevent their suffering.  Personal suffering to some degree is the very thing that leads one to God at the point of justification, and later at the various points of sanctification.  It is ordained that each and every Christian will suffer at the point of glorification due to the death of the physical body, the actual separation of spirit from flesh.  Though, we may cite an instance when a person is said to have “walked away with God,” this does not mean there was no pain in the metamorphosis that had to take place, and salvation is complete when it has passed through these three stages.  We may be sure the thief on the cross passed through them; albeit in an unusually rapid manner.

Scripture does not allow that we make personal peace and prosperity our goal in life, and as parents we are on occasion unhappy in our own suffering.  We occasionally desire, though it be momentary, to escape our hardship.  We may attempt this in a variety of ways- some seemingly benign and others completely unhealthy.  We may influence our children to attempt their own flight.  Also, in this we may inspire our children, though unwittingly, to go forth and right the wrongs that we’ve suffered within the roles and circumstances that God has designed and allowed  for us.  This we must strive against as suffering is ordained for the Christian.  The Christian by very definition, is the one attempting to navigate this fallen world in a manner that is pleasing to His Father God.  A Christian is one who has recognized his own offenses before God (his sin) and has purposed to live in a fight against further offense.  Therefore, to ignite in our children a desire to escape this difficulty is to inspire our children to abandon God.  May it never be!  

Copyright 2023.    L. L. Shelton.

On Mother’s Day

Devotional, Family Life, Spiritual Health

To Each and Every Dear Child:

Conception begins in the mind of GOD.  Conception begins when your creator, GOD of all that is, decides you will be created; when he conceives of the idea of you and He declares that you will be made in His image- meaning that you will bear the stamp of His authorship.  You are invaluable and you are without exception given as a blessing, and you are to be received as a blessing.

Whether or not you remain a blessing, is in part due to our response to the gift of you and in part according to your response to GOD.  These things are true.  It does not matter what alternative information is perpetuated by the world system, for GOD who owns all that is, has declared these things to be true and nothing can change the truth.

This world is corrupt; it is the furthest thing from the goodness of GOD.  This world is ultimately governed by evil; its ruler is Satan, The Prince of The Air and the one who ushered death into the world- and from him you may expect nothing but lies.  He will often mix truth together with lie- the better to deceive you!  He is opposed to your creator.  He has been a liar and a murderer from the beginning.  Do not listen to him, as he will lead you to your own destruction while nearly always behaving as though he is the best thing available to you and has only your best interest at heart.

But there is hope! To combat the bombardment of lies, you must remember who you are! You are a beautiful work of art- conceptualized, designed, and brought forth by GOD! As you journey here, in this fallen world, seek the one who created you; seek and you will find.  Become a child of His salvation.  HE is found in a relationship with Jesus Christ, His only begotten Son.  The Bible tells me so, and I have found Him.  You can find Him, too.  Reach out to God through sincere prayer, confess your need for a savior to deliver you from your sin and your faith that Jesus Christ is God’s son sent to earth to do that very thing, believe and be saved (be justified), then He will begin to move you forward in obedience to His Word (begin to be sanctified).  GOD is the great lover of your soul, and the only one in whom you will discover your extraordinary meaning and purpose; your true and wonderful life (be glorified)!

Copyright   2022.    L.L. Shelton.

On Sheep and Goats

Bible Talk, Church Culture, Essay and Prose, Family Life, Personal


Some may know that we graduated from our suburban Itty Bitty Farm a few years ago to our rural homestead property, Little Bigger Farm, where we are able to produce more- still on a small scale.  We happily raise some of our own fruits, berries, and vegetables, as well as ducks, geese, American Guinea Hogs, a small flock of Dorper-Katahdin sheep and a few dairy goats.  My mother resides on the property with us and she cheerfully raises chickens.  We are learning and loving more everyday.

Being in this position has given me an excellent opportunity to study the behavior of both sheep and goats, to become aware of their commonalities and to note where they are truly unique.  I easily appreciate these wonderful animals and find each species a joy to raise, however there are stark differences.  I thought some of you, particularly those of you who are practicing Christians, would be interested in my careful and sincere observations; as Christ so often contrasted the goat with the sheep, and while never stating a dislike for goats, claimed the sheep as analogous to his own brothers and sisters.  These are my discoveries thus far:

Goats are excessively curious about the world.  Sheep are mildly inquisitive regarding the world.

Goats are usually flamboyant.  Sheep are generally reserved.

Goats are bold and quickly into everyone’s  business.  Sheep are wary and hesitant to involve themselves in the affairs of others.

Goats crave attention and prefer to be the center of it.  Sheep prefer to be inconspicuous.

Goats are particular and express a great variety of preference.  Sheep are easily satisfied.

Goats are flirtatious and often without appropriate boundaries.  Sheep are carefully friendly.

Goats are boisterous partiers.  Sheep are pleasant.

Goats will stand on their heads any time to make you laugh.  Sheep will wonder at your easy frivolity.

Goats are chatty and sometimes carry-on unduly.  Sheep are quiet until it is absolutely fitting to raise a  voice.

Goats will interrupt peasant or King and possibly trample him, no matter the solemnity of the occasion.  Sheep stay near and maintain a respectable stance.

Goats are affectionate and indulgent with their off-spring.  Sheep are tender toward their young, yet command their respect.

Goats appreciate it when their humans occasionally help out by kidsitting, and are completely trusting that they will have the best interest of their little ones at heart.  Sheep are pleased to take care of their own little ones ninety percent of the time, and when the situation demands it, care only to pass them off to another sheep.

Goats are quite happy to include any merry-maker and appear to be open to accepting all as family.  Sheep are kind to others and spend time with all, but remain truly interested in flocking and maintaining relationship with one another on a separate and primary level, which on occasion annoys the goats.

Goats are rowdy.  Sheep are gentle.

Goats are clever.  Sheep are thoughtful.

Goats are immediately attractive.  Sheep will grow on you.

As I continue to care for both goats and sheep, I hope to remain astute and to capture further information of a similar nature to impart to you, my dear readers.  Perhaps the next entry will offer a comparison of the two species.

Copyright 2022.     L. L.  Shelton.

A Letter To My Daughters

Family Life, Holistic Health, Married Life, Parenting, Personal, Spiritual Health, , , , , ,

My Precious Daughters,

Understand that as a Follower of Jesus your life is not your own, rather it belongs to Him, to your First Love.  In the garden, Eve took her eyes off her First Love for an instant and was mesmerized by evil.  Darkness personified suggested that she could be not only her own head, needing the leadership of herself alone, but that she could manage the responsibilities of God! She fell for the ploy and the fall has been lengthy and beyond challenging.  May I suggest that you begin your journey in Christ by determining to forsake marriage and remain single for the love of Christ alone, or by determining to marry a man who loves Jesus Christ?

Waiting for a boy to grow into a man may be long and difficult.  Waiting for a man to learn the unselfishness of God will take a life time.  Waiting for a young man to become a Christian may be an altogether fruitless endeavor.  The simplest method for ensuring that you are less likely to be joined to an Unbeliever is to set a standard for your romantic life.  For example:  I will not date at all, or I will date only those young men who profess Christ.

I’m sure the decision to remain single in Jesus and for the sake of the gospel, has its own very great rewards, and there are those faithful to this decision and lifestyle who may be of aid to you, should you take this path.  However, I am familiar with the sacrement of marriage.  Marriage is the most beautiful illustration of sacrifice and joy because when done with pure intention; it imitates the sacrifice of God in Christ.  It is a picture of our relationship to Christ, highlighting the sacrifice He made, loving us while we were unlovable, and the blessing and joy He received and receives continually in an everlasting flow as a result.  Christ sits at God’s right hand enjoying Him forever!

Your children, should you receive the blessing of children, will be most greatly affected by your choices in the area of who you consider a contender for the prize of your heart.  They will benefit and suffer in large part due to the relationship you choose to form in marriage.  These effects will come about as a natural consequence of the design intended by the Creator.  You may attempt to use the system in a way that is inconsistent with its design but in return you will miss the consistent blessing of the  fruit of obedience.  Life is difficult in a fallen world, without the intended blessing it can be unbearable, not for you only but also for your children and grandchildren and their children.

Christian devotion and concern for family requires diligence and sacrifice beyond our merely human strength and regularly employs the Holy Spirit of God in Christ; as we ourselves are occasionally difficult to love, so our husbands and our children, and all within our sphere of influence will be.  And yet it is our mandate to love each one well.  And if you are able to love each one well, according to God’s definition of love;  not perfectly, but well, you will meet with God’s idea of success.

Still, the success you achieve within your own family will not necessarily follow in the world outside your family circle and the circle of the true church.  The organized church will be a place of like-minded Believers and fellows in the faith for the most part, but even here you will find some imposters.  There will be some within its walls who serve darkness.  The world will certainly not be without flaw.  And the world will challenge all, including those who have grown up under your leadership, and should you marry, under the leadership of your devoted husband as well.  Only each one’s personal relationship with Christ will keep him or her safe from evil.  We live within a system marred by sin and hatred for what is right and true.  Humans are broken and can only be fixed by God in Christ Jesus.

But in the midst of all, you can find rest knowing that keeping your own eyes on Jesus, you faithfully honored and served your God, and that you led by loving example and tender heart toward those you touched, and that while imperfect, you were an example of His servant leadership to those within your sphere of influence, ever hopeful that each one would receive Jesus Christ as his or her personal Lord and Savior.  It is the best that any woman can do.

I love you ever and always,

Mother

A Letter To My Sons

Education, Family Life, Humanity & Sin, Parenting, Spiritual Health,

My Dearest Sons,

If men do not appreciate the world of today, they must look to themselves.  God set up the order of things and placed men at the helm.  If what has transpired, if what is, does not suit them, they have only themselves to blame.  Maybe it is time to live according to God’s standards? Maybe it is time to value God and His Word above personal comfort and pleasures? Maybe it is time to bring back an individual sense of moral obligation and duty, and a denial of selfish interests?

I’m sure the decision to remain single in Jesus and for the sake of the gospel, has its own very great rewards, and there are those faithful to this decision and lifestyle who may be of aid to you, should you take this path.  However, I am familiar with the sacrement of marriage.  Marriage is the most beautiful illustration of sacrifice and joy because when done with pure intention; it imitates the sacrifice of God in Christ.  It is a picture of our relationship to Christ, highlighting the sacrifice He made, loving us while we were unlovable, and the blessing and joy He received and receives continually in an everlasting flow as a result.  Christ sits at God’s right hand enjoying Him forever! If you decide on marriage and want the best insurance that your marriage will be one that glorifies God, begin by dating only a woman who professes to love Jesus Christ, the son of God, and to own Him as her Savior and Lord.

Remember:  Man brought about the fall by his abdication of duty in the garden.  He chose to honor the gift rather than the giver.  He turned away from his First Love, if only for a moment, and failed to lovingly lead.  Then, when his Creator came looking for him to talk it over, he blamed God for the whole mess.  If unhappiness, oppression, evil is abounding- return to your First Love.  Acknowledge Your Creator and turn from your wickedness- and stop blaming God and others for your sin.

Stomping your foot in the backroom will not impress anyone.  Yelling at others and demanding that they respect you “just because” will not work.  Instilling fear in others may keep them close to you for a season but it will never do for the long haul.   You must earn your place of respect in their lives, and it is their duty to respond rightly.  Women and children generally and in the absence of illness,  do answer well to genuinely loving, gentle guidance, and self-sacrificial leadership.  And though they do not, your call to righteousness remains.  When you fail, go first to God, and seek His forgiveness.  Follow this with an authentic apology to the one or more whom you have wronged and there seek forgiveness.  Endeavor always to approach your charges with humility, compassion, and a pure heart, clothed in the quiet strength and resolute confidence that is the result of a completely surrendered life; and you will meet with God’s idea of success.

Still, the success you achieve within your own family will not necessarily follow in the world outside your family circle and the circle of the true church.  The organized church will be a place of like-minded Believers and fellows in the faith for the most part, but even here you will find some imposters.  There will be some within its walls who serve darkness.  The world will certainly not be without flaw.  And the world will challenge all, including those who have grown up under your leadership.  Only each one’s personal relationship with Christ will keep him or her safe from evil.  We live within a system marred by sin and hatred for what is right and true.  Humans are broken and only God in Jesus Christ can fix them.

But in the midst of all, you can find rest knowing that keeping your own eyes on Jesus, you faithfully honored and served your God, and that you led by loving example and tender heart toward those you touched, and that while imperfect, you were an example of His servant leadership to those within your sphere of influence, ever hopeful that each one would receive Jesus Christ as his or her personal Lord and Savior.  It is the best that any man can do.

 I love you ever and always,
Mother

Copyright 2021.    L.L.  Shelton.

I Choose You

Current Events, Essay and Prose, Family Life, Politics, , , , , , , , ,

In the midst of this novel coronavirus outbreak, if being in the high risk group, I must isolate, must choose between my right to go anywhere and to do anything, and my healthy neighbor’s right to work and earn an honest wage- I choose for my neighbor.  I will stay home voluntarily or take my chances.  If I leave our property, I will wear a mask to be kind to the other fellow.  I will contribute to our shared economy in whatever way I am able from my weaker position.  If I am sick, I will stay home.

Why ?

Because I choose you.

Where do we- the American government- get our money? We take it from ourselves- the workers:  The common laborers, the tradesmen, the producers, the service providers, the professionals, and small business owners, large privately owned companies, corporations owned by a board of shareholders.  The workers.  The money that we provide to fund the government is paid in the form of taxes; therefore, if these individuals and groups- the workers- do not earn money- neither will the government.  The government will have no money.  No one will have anything.  Now, I will be first to state that our tax system is in constant need of reform- and that need should be consistently addressed, but that fact does not change the former truth.

If our stronger brothers and sisters are not allowed to work, they cannot carry those who are weaker.  The abled must be given opportunity to provide for the disabled.  Younger adults must have a way to provide for children, and the elderly.  We the people, must have a way to provide for the expense of our common government.  It’s only logical.

I choose you.

Copyright 2020.    L.L. Shelton.

 

Contagious!

Current Events, Family Life, Health, Health & Disease, Mental-Physical-Spiritual Health, , ,

REPORT FROM LOS ALAMOS:

An RO of 6! Yikes! Is it time to panic?!?

  1. Regarding public health and disease, what is an R0 (r-naught)? It is a label for an infectious disease that tells us that each person with that particular illness will possibly-even probably- infect a certain number of other people.
  2. Why is it important to know the actual RO of SARS-cov-2; to know the rate at which it would spread if we were not practicing social distancing? Because the original number, before mitigation, in other words before we practiced social distancing, tells us what would happen if we were NOT practicing staying apart from one another.
  3. What is the ACTUAL RO of the virus that causes COVID-19? According to the report and Vice-President Pence’s confirmation of it, yesterday at the White House briefing, the task force has known from the beginning that SARS-cov-2 has an RO of six.  THAT is why the mitigation, in other words- staying apart from one another- has been extremely important.  Also, they knew less then about the effects of the virus and though more is known now, there is still so much more to know.
  4. What is the RO of SARS-cov-2 (the virus that causes COVID-19) with mitigation, in other words because we are practicing staying away from one another? The RO with mitigation in place was at 2.28 and has dropped to between 1 and 2.
  5. Is there any more good news?  Yes.  When the test that will count the evidence of a person’s anti-bodies to the virus is available, we will test a large population of those who have been exposed but did not appear to become sick or seriously ill. Then we will know approximately how many people catch the virus and do not get sick, or contract COVID-19  and are only mildly affected.  This is important because a high RO such as six would be much less dangerous if it applies to a disease that is often only mildly experienced.  The need for drastic mitigation may be reduced in the future when this particular strain of Coronavirus returns.

https://www.medrxiv.org/content/10.1101/2020.02.07.20021154v1.full.pdf

        L.L.  Shelton, 2020.