Suspect yourself or someone else of dishonesty if there is a need to retell something again and again and again- in other words there is a genuine yet strange emphasis on the event. I refer not to the continual resurfacing of the happening and referencing of it, but to the continual need to repeat the story itself, usually to the same people as often as to someone who may have never heard it.
Of course, there are those who may repeat a scenario over and over and over in their own heads, but are able, by way of temperament or different affectation, to restrain from a consistent public retelling or reworking of the event. In this case one still should suspect and examine himself or herself for dishonesty, and if necessary seek assistance. Interestingly, it appears that those given to public display of their stories are often perseverating both publicly and in private.
Traumatic memory is often caught in a feedback loop. The need to continually, even obsessively, remember the event is rooted in the fact that it was never fully processed, and certainly not in a healthy manner. The happening remains unresolved in the person’s psyche. The dishonesty arises as, in the attempt to process the authentic structure of a circumstance, particularly a disconcerting event, the memory is altered to make it into something easier to bear. This may be intentional but sometimes takes place at the level of the subconscious. Therefore the author of the memory is not always aware of the restructuring and certainly is not fully aware of why and how the memory was changed.
I believe that the supposed need for the dishonesty occurs at the level of a person”s heart motive. I work with my clients as a person of faith and understanding, attempting to draw those motives out into the Light (Proverbs 20:5). For instance, a victim of trauma may have been harmed by someone closely related to her and will attempt to alter the memory to “see” someone else as the perpetrator, or he may “reason” that he was behaving in an inappropriate manner inviting the perpetrator to commit a crime against him. Perhaps the victim is one of secondary trauma, having observed a violent happening and failed to intervene. Occasionally, I encounter someone who has dismissed a large portion or portions of his or her life due to some type of chronic traumatic situation. These changes soften the impact of the memory for the one who has been victimized, allowing the victim to maintain some ability to function in the face of tragedy.
On the other hand, a perpetrator of violence, and it should be noted that the perpetrator has sometimes first been a victim, may attempt to rewrite a memory because he or she cannot bear to think the self is capable of the horrendous act. This can arise due to the conscience being severely wounded but not quite dead, or due to the presence of a personality disorder which suggests to the person that they may not be, and indeed in the person’s mind are not, less than perfect. However, the desired result is the same- a lessening of the severity of both the internal and the external impact of the behavior. From either the victim’s or the perpetrator’s position there is a convoluted reward for the dishonesty. The problem arises due to the twisted nature of the prize. (To avoid confusion, it should be noted here that genuine lack of empathy, as in the case of true character disturbance, has no need to reconstruct memory for the other’s sake. )
My clients are often surprised to find the genuine culprit of the nearly incomprehensible past that has lead to a painful present and a bleakly viewed future, is the person himself or herself. However, once the revelation has occurred, the path to healing, while requiring a cautious engagement due to the fact that a person’s mental composition can be fragile, is generally swift.
Nevertheless, there are some who have engaged in habits of dishonesty for so long and even willfully, they are unlikely to heal this side of heaven, and some will not reach heaven. They are those who refuse to acknowledge the possibility and certainly will not acquiesce to the probability that the author of the confusion is the self. These persons are regularly sent for professional psychological or psychiatric evaluation and are often eventually diagnosed with a personality disorder, or as character disturbed. At times, they are found to be psychopathic.
Genuine honesty is a rare strength. One of noble character, who can find? (Proverbs 31:10) The heart is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked, who can know it? (Jeremiah 17:9-10) Truth is sometimes as difficult to locate as is the perfect gem, but it is without fail, worth a great deal more. Ultimately, it is the truth that liberates us (John 8:32-38). “Heal me, LORD, and I will be healed, save me and I will be saved, for you are the one I praise,” Jeremiah 17:14.
Copyright 2018. L.L. Shelton.
